Waiting for Now
– By Anonymous|May 15, 2017
Image by serzhile, flickr.
Most relationships are not without conflict or worry, and navigating these issues is entirely normal and healthy. That said, some factors may be beyond the control of those within the relationship, and as such can impose a burden within that space that makes them feel helpless. At times, the stress can be so powerful that the relationship reaches breaking point, but whether this happens or not, the suspense of knowing that eventually such factors may come up and mess up all that has been worked on remains.
For many people, the opinion and support of their families is immensely important, and to know one’s relationship would not meet with the approval of one’s parents can be emotionally taxing. This piece explores a young woman’s struggle regarding being in a same-sex relationship while acknowledging the possibility it may one day end in favour of an arranged marriage.
We joke, laugh and giggle over potential husbands,
Never talking about what I’ve told you twice before.
Our relationship’s been strained since I came out to you,
But I know better than to bring it up again.
For the amount of time that we spend together is short,
And there’s no way such an argument will end well.
I’ve told you before I don’t want an arranged marriage,
Yet that doesn’t seem to have been clear enough.
You hold on to the hope that it was just a phase,
Which makes it harder to tell you how happy I am now.
We can have what we have because I am so far away from home,
Where the frustration and tears can’t touch us at all.
It pains me to know that in just a matter of years,
Everything could come to an end.
“A lot can change with time, don’t give up all hope,”
But that uncertainty is something I don’t want to put you through.
Thank you for all that you do for me, and the jokes about our differences,
Makes it a little bit easier to deal with fearing what’s going to happen.
You’re kind, patient and sexy as fuck, and I love you very much,
Which is why this question mark screams at me as it waits.
Your teeth may get broken, your passions can change,
There’s a lot you can’t predict.
So getting caught up in what’s up beyond is messing with your head,
When you could be filled with excitement and joy with all that’s around.
You know someday this situation is one you’re going to have to face,
But for now, let it go, it will come back again, just try to live in the now.
It’s something that affects more than just me, and I don’t want to hurt anyone else,
Or maybe it’ll be okay, and maybe things will change, I’ll wait to see what’s in store.
I don’t want to cause you any more pain than I already have done,
I wish what I wanted wouldn’t let you down.
I’m sorry if I’m dragging you through the drama and suspense,
And I trust that you will tell me if this gets too much.
You cry, you scream and yell, but things will be okay,
In time it will all work out, and the only thing worth dealing with is the now.